Enlightened Self-Interest
The right approach to ambition
All I had to do was tell myself: if it doesn’t work, I only need the grit to start again — just like when my wandered in meditation.
-Dan Harris
Recently I found myself approaching the familiar feeling of burning out. I wasn’t fully there yet, but I could sense I was getting close. Inconvenient, unexpected issues came up, disrupting my schedule and plans I’ve so thoughtfully put together. Chaos can build like wildfire. This week I felt like I was attempting to put out these wildfires with a one of those spray bottles designed for baby succulents.
I want to get shit done. I wanted to deliver. I was also mindlessly striving. I was playing a game of whack-a-mole but with no true intention except to try and whack the next mole.
Naturally, I was missing a lot of moles. One can only so many things well at one time. I found myself feeling disappointed going from one miss to another. I expected myself to achieve at a certain level, and I wasn’t meeting my expectations.
To ground myself I picked up a couple notebooks filled with notes from books I read last year.
I found my notes on the book 10% Happier by Dan Harris. This book has had a significant impact on me and introduced me to meditation.
In the chapter, Hide the Zen, Buddhist psychotherapist (and also author) Mark Epstein shared this advice to Dan Harris:
Striving is fine, as long as it’s tempered by the realization that, in an entropic universe, the final outcome is out of your control. If you don’t waste your energy on variables you cannot influence, you can focus much more effectively on those you can. When you are wisely ambitious, you do everything you can to succeed, but you are not attached to the outcome — so that if you fail, you will be maximally resilient, able to get up, dust yourself off, and get back in the fray. That, to use a loaded term, is enlightened self-interest.
So, I’m reminded, there’s nothing wrong with striving or ambition. But we must do it for the right reasons. We should enjoy the present when we are in it. And we should not attach to any outcome. We should strive for growth, betterment, and becoming the best versions of ourselves, not for recognition, money, or to feed our egos.
In the grand scheme of things, there are so many things that are completely outside of our control. If we let those concerns and expectations of the uncontrollable take over, then we will never reach happiness and well-being.
We live so much of our lives pushed forward by these “if only” thoughts, and yet the itch remains. The pursuit of happiness becomes the source of our unhappiness.
-Dan Harris
